The process of composition so far has been exciting, yet tiring. It has been difficult, yet driving me to achieve what I have set out to achieve. Listening to sounds all around me, rhythms and textures, I imagine them all being terribly suitable for my composition. But it takes so much effort to notate these musical thoughts down, to arrange them according to how I hear them in my mind. Sometimes I think of a cool musical idea and am so convinced and excited that it will work. As time goes by, the idea seems to lose its flavour and punch, and I wreck my brains thinking how this idea can even continue.

Should I muster all my strength and go on? Or should I start over again?

It is in moments like these that I am grateful for the classes in theory and analysis. Listening to the compositions of others are my source of guide. Looking to the examples of others, I ask myself how melodies, harmonies, rhythms, forms, textures and orchestrations are being treated. Could I perhaps use some of their techniques on my own composition? The seemingly mundane exercises in counterpoint and four-part harmony are certainly good foundations to grasp in helping me to write music. I would even say that lessons in music history are helpful to some extent.

I try as hard as possible to apply what I have learnt through the years in my composition. Sometimes, discouragement sets in as I compare my little steps of achievements to the levels of sophistication by the great composers.

Then reality strikes back. I am after all, not going to be a composer. But I can compose music.

As long as it lasts, I will enjoy it. Despite the many man hours spent on a 5-minute work, I will look forward to the time real people will play it, instead of just hearing it through the computer.